Fasting is hard, yo

Ramadhan started September 1 for me this year, and I've been less inclined to write than ever. I say it started "for me" because, like everything else in the Muslim world, there is a great degree of difficulty in choosing one day and abiding by it. I chose Monday, but my mosque chose Tuesday. This is a very difficult thing to explain to a non-Muslim reader, but it has to do with tradition versus, well, reality. Tradition says to look for the new crescent moon on the 29th of Shabaan, the month that precedes Ramadhan. If you see the crescent, the next day is Ramadhan 1; this is how a lunar, rather than solar, calendar works. If you don't see the crescent, then the next day is Shabaan 30, and since Shabaan can only have a maximum of 30 days, that means the following day is Ramadhan 1. But reality says that in America, your Judeo-Christian boss does not give a shit whether you see a moon or not. They want to know, will you be at work or not? And they don't want to know at 7:30pm on Sunday that you won't be there Monday because of a religious holiday, as happens at the end of Ramadhan. So you have to plan things ahead. Some wise Muslim scholars, realizing that it does not conflict with core Islamic principles, have decided to fix the calendar ahead of time based on astronomical data. But other scholars do not like this "innovation." These scholars also like to wipe their asses with sand when they shit. Given my penchant for toilet paper, I also predictably enjoy the convenience of the fixed calendar, so Ramadhan for me began on Monday. Whatevs. Allah knows best.

Anyway, so it turns out that having to wake up for breakfast at 4:00am and then not eat or drink (or curse!) again until close to 7:30pm is more draining on me than I thought. First of all, I never realized what a HUGE bitch I can be when deprived of caffeine. Luckily, after a week of no caffeine whatsoever, my body has adjusted to not enjoying its usual two cups of coffee per day. My body has however not adjusted to the fact that Gunjan still exists, making caffeine deprivation the second hardest challenge of Ramadhan thus far.

In reality though, I thought fasting would help me be more productive, but this has not exactly panned out. Massa predicted this; that smart neuroscientist that he is! He told me he didn't see how it would be possible to concentrate while fasting. The brain needs glucose, he said. I assured him all would be well. I figured that with no lunch break, and no time to waste preparing coffee, drinking coffee, cleaning my mug after coffee, and thinking about how good it feels to have had the coffee, I would have much more time for work. Instead, I think of preparing coffee. I think of drinking coffee. I think of looking at my mug when there is just a small ring of milk around the inner base, where coffee once flooded. And I think of how coffee used to feel in my tumtum, as I listen to my tumtum growl and say, "feed me; why are you doing this to me." So I guess I was wrong and Massa was right. This is not the first time this has happened.

The next time I get on here, I shall educate you a bit about fasting in Ramadhan and what it's all about. Also, we'll discuss whether I, an otherwise irreverent and somewhat "bad" Muslim, have gained anything from fasting. What's there to gain? Stay tuned and you'll find out...