Medical Flipout

My doctor flipped her shiznit inside out. She was trying (badly) to hide her annoyance, but try as she might, she released her inner bitch and let me have it for quitting the Remeron. She moved from treating me as a fellow doctor (I think she forgot that I am in GRAD school, not MED school; stupid bitch), to a retard, to a child, and finally back again to her patient in a matter of about 10 minutes. So this is how it went:

Doc: so, how are you?

Me: well... (intro and extended explanation of symptoms)... and so I decided to stop taking it.

Doc: holy f^*#!ing shit motherfu%^er bitch face whore!

Okay, so she didn't exactly say that but I could read it on her face. In reality she just got pretty annoyed, adopted a fitting tone and proceeded to tell me "YOU tell ME what to do. YOU tell ME what exactly it is you want to do." Each time I tried to do what she asked me, she would interrupt with "you're telling me you don't want to take the medication that worked for you after you tried many others that didn't work, so now YOU tell ME what you want to do."

Eventually, after doing this about 4 times, she goes, "this is descending into an argument and I don't want that to happen."

WHATABITCH! What I really wanted to tell her to do was "how about YOU take some prozac or some vicodin and shove them up your every day twice a day and then call me in a couple weeks, you bitch" but instead when I finally got in my two cents I said, "I want to sleep again, and I don't want to get fat doing it." A polite statement topped off with a slightly bitchy frosting. I was pleased with myself because it shut her pie hole.

I think it is a wise idea not to piss off a psychiatrist too much. However, I really wish my beloved Dr. Winters would just take me back under her wings and just give me sleeping pills like she used to instead of sending me to see one huge bitch after another.

Psychiatrists are such con artists, really. They claim to be able to determine what "is best for you as an individual" with each patient they see. What this translates into is a gruelling process of trial and error where they just give one drug after another like a child playing Duck Hunt for the first time. Shoot shoot shoot - never mind aiming - just keep shooting and eventually, you may get one. An ordinary doctor is just as capable of doing that. As a matter of fact, my Muzza is just as capable of doing that and she is not a doctor, just a Muzza. Why do I have to pay this bitch $90 for 15 minutes to tell me what a magic 8 ball would? True, insurance pays 80 of those dollars, but the point is that she does not deserve making, on average, 360 DOLLARS AN HOUR for this bullshit!

Anyway, the end result is that my Ivy League educated doctor has given me yet another pill that is very very bad for you in large amounts (some people take 1000mg for schizophrenia and bipolar disorder) but that seems to be working to put insomniacs to sleep at lower doses. I fell asleep last night on only 25mg, which was a pleasant surprise because I am worried about the possibility of "involuntary facial movements" and sudden death that goes along with higher doses.

Lucky me, I get to go back to see her next Thursday. I can't wait.