Trouble Follows Me

I was out with amigos: Anjali, her sister, her sister's "ex-boyfriend", Paco, Abdul and Abdul's friend. A pretty large group, I should add. Enter queeny bitchy little Palestinian-American boy, from here on referred to as Bitch. He's dancing up a storm with Anjali, looking like Geppetto is working overtime pulling his strings. He sort of gets in my way, but instead of stomping on him, I say hello. Anjali explains that he's Palestinian so I was like, "are you Palestinian?" and he goes, "I am half-Palestinian and half AMERICAN", but he says the "American" part like one would say, "you are f-ing RETARDED" in an argument. So I was like, hmmwhatadouche.

With very little else to say, I proceeded, "well, I really hope things calm down over there; I'm watching the news and Israel isn't being very kind." That was putting it lightly, of course. Israel is straight up taking a shit on human rights and dignity in Gaza. Gaza is akin to a dead dog in the road, stomach ripped open by a passing vehicle, worms and flies buzzing around it. Israel is the neighbor's dog who mounts the carcass and begins to ram his boner in and out of a hole in the rotting flesh until his body convulses with pleasure and he is relieved of one shot of dog jizz. But this little piece of shit turns around and goes, "Don't say that! I am AMERICAN. I support Israel." With my very finely tuned and perfected "WTF" look on my face, I responded, "That's too bad. Personally, my roots run deeper than one generation." I turned my back on the little pile of filth and walked off to tell Anjali of my encounter. Unfortunately, she was retarded and went back and told him what I said, apparently pissing him off. So little two-by-four Bitch comes over to me to "confront" me, telling me how he didn't appreciate me talking shit about him. I pitied him so much I even attempted to hug it out, telling him I knew he didn't mean it and I am sure he misunderstood the situation. But then the little twig upped the ante and threatened to beat me up! Ha. Haha. HAHAHA!

Looking down at him (literally and figuratively; he was about 3-5 inches shorter than I), I scoffed and laughed. At this point, knowing a fight would not be the way to go, he said, "get an education." Now, as the son of two parents who never went to college, I am by no means an education elitist. I don't look down on people for not having gone to college. I don't measure people by their level of formal education, but by their lack of ignorance gained through life experiences. When it comes to college and university, I actually don't really care if you went, didn't go, where you did or whatever. But, faced with this level of fuckedupness, I could no longer control myself and I went in for the kill.

Here is a lesson from my evil, calculated side. To understand how to truly crush someone emotionally, you must understand how their mind works. This little queen was an easy target and unfortunately quite typical in the gay community. Walking around the ego of his type is like dancing on eggshells. Shunned by society, and ugly on the inside (and I'd dare say on the outside too, although straight girls would describe his type as "cute"), he believes that if he dresses a certain way, and acts a certain way, he can combat the demons that undermine his status in society. Specifically, from the way he was acting, he had unresolved issues with being considered:

(1) a physically small male - to overcome this, he threatens me with violence. As if. Too bad I was the second-smallest man in the club. Real badass to come after me (sarcasm).

(2) a very effeminate/professional homosexual male - again, by confronting me, he is trying to be butch; to mimic the heterosexual man in a bar fight. Too bad he was wearing a silk shirt with a tie and painted-on shiny pants of some sort. He is the kind of man that straddles the fence between very-gay-looking-male, and very-butch-looking-female. Depending on the angle from which he is viewed, he could be one or the other.

(3) an Arab in America - no matter which way you spin it, if you're half white and half Arab, your white half is NEVER what anyone will see in America. You will always be an Arab. Supporting Israel in their massacre of your own people will never make you more American. I would argue that it makes you less American for being a sell-out, for being weak and for yielding to your own warped perception of social conformity.

(4) uneducated - his biting, scornful joust "get an education" seemed as if he was trying, unsuccessfully, to establish himself as better than me, at least on paper.

With this in mind, I was ready. I looked down at him, raised my nose and said, "I am in grad school. And not just any shit grad school that might be good enough for the likes of you. I am at WASH U. You, however, don't even look as if you've been to college. As a matter of fact, you look like a hairdresser. Know who you're talking to."

I then performed my flicking-off-the-dust motion in his direction as he walked away with his tail between his legs and humbly left the club.

Many will claim that they are Queen, but there is only room for one on the throne.