Access Checks My Ass

Do not EVER use those ripoff "access checks" Bank of America or any other bank may send you in the mail. I thought I was so financially savvy when I discovered I could use an "access check" to pay a merchant that does not take Visa, such as my mofo leasing office. I thought, "great, I'll get 750 world points every month and after 10 years of this, I can get 10 dollars cold hard cash!" Just to be safe, I called the bank and they confirmed that yes, indeed, this is true. Furthermore, I clarified that if I paid my future transaction ahead of time, I would not be charged any transaction fees. So I went ahead and wrote my rent check of $750, only after putting $800 on the card ahead of time. I figured I could use the other 50 to pay a bill or something.

Anyway, so today I check my account and lo and behold those bitches have charged my poor brown ass a 3% transaction fee. That is $22.50! As I dialed the number at the back of the card, all I could hear in my head was OH HELL NO! Over, and over, and over. I was FUMING!

I spoke with a Mr. Eldrige Holloway who was very polite but firm in telling me that the fee is written in the agreement and that I chose to use the checks and therefore that was too bad. But being a Trini, I knew that good old Eldrige, being the man who first answered the phone after the annoying prompts, could not possibly be the head honcho, so I politely told Mr. H to stick it, and to hand me over to someone more powerful. He obliged and after 15 minutes of classical music, I was speaking with Warren Smith, a manager. I threatened to close my account when I was speaking to Ellie, but adopted a more conciliatory tone with Mr. Manager. I instead told him that as a customer for 2 years who has never paid a single payment late, I think that it would be a good faith move for the bank to credit me back my $22.50. I didn't consider that the bank, being the Satanic Abyss of Financial Doom that it is, actually WANTS me to pay my bills late so I can pay them interest, so this was probably not something to try to sell myself on, but it seemed like a good pitch at the time.

And guess what... it worked! The manager agreed to credit my account back $22.50! Great success! So by midnight tonight I am supposed to be $22.50 richer, which would have been nice had I not been $22.50 poorer because of the whole incident to begin with. Regardless, those 22 dollars and 50 cents are MINE and I am not going to let some nasty bank try to take them away from me. And neither should you!