So it turns out that my committee won't "use labels" to define what exactly happened to me last Thursday. I didn't fail; that would be harsh. Especially after preparing a 14 page document with about 30 citations and giving a 30 minute presentation that lasted two hours full of slides that they expressly liked. So that's good. What is weird though is that I also did not pass. Nor did I get what is the only other option: a "conditional pass". No, these labels are useless. I cannot be defined. Instead, I am "yet to pass". That is what P. Hanson said to me at the end of my 3 hour ordeal last week; and that sentiment was reiterated in the committee's report where there is no mention of having failed or passed but rather of having a grant that did not go far enough thus placing me "below the passing grade", which incidentally is what most normal people call failing.
This all reminds me of those stupid girls in college who get drunk and go muff diving, only to surface again and say that they are not gay, bi, straight or lesbocious. They refuse to be labelled. They are just American college girls. American college girls who go muff diving once in a while.
Semantics will not distract me. I am "yet to pass" my prelim so life must be put on hold. But I had committed to joining the crew of a new healthy living magazine a woman named Elaine D. is starting here in St. Louis back when I thought I'd have passed my prelim outright, so I am going to that meeting this evening. We're supposed to all gather at the Maplewood Library at 8:00pm today. It should be interesting. Maybe I will be able to write for this magazine and express myself in a healthier way. I am excited to meet the other people because meet and greets are always awkward and I love awkward situations. They make for great blogging. So stay tuned.
In other news, apparently blogging can be therapeutic. In a Newsweek article entitled, "My Shrink says... Blog!", blogging is presented as a way of airing ones problems in a medium with a built-in audience, which can be interpreted by the blogger as achieving some sort of sympathetic response to his problems. "Diaries are a form of that communication, but removed. Blogging gets you closer to that sympathetic audience, and that's what makes it therapeutic."
Sweet. I feel better already.
Check out the rest here: http://www.newsweek.com/id/142630
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