I am scurred

The last time I had to do a qualifying exam, I passed it. That was because it was the second time I was taking the exam, having failed it the first time. I remember sitting in intro MCB with John Cooper who welcomed us to grad school and announced quite emphatically that in grad school, grades don't matter. I remember sitting in that class the next year and again hearing him say the same thing and thinking what a big piece of bullshit that was. Anwyay, that is behind me. But now I have to worry about my very terrifying next half of the qualifiers coming up on Thursday. That's an oral exam and to be honest, I am scurred. Very scurred. The rules are basically that you prepare and write a 10 page grant on a research topic unrelated to your lab work, in the format of an NIH post doctoral fellowship application. It consists of a brief abstract, a hypothesis and two or three specific aims to test the hypothesis, and then the methods by which you will carry out the specific aims. Two weeks before you defend it, you hand in the written part and then you present a 20-25 minute talk outlining what you wrote before a committee of 4 professors. I am shitting bricks. But I have some good news.

Last night I dreamnt I failed it. Why is that good news? Because every dream I have been having so far has been turning out to be true... in the opposite. A few nights ago, I dreamt I got the cancer bio fellowship I was forced to apply for on very short notice and which I was sure I wasn't going to get. Turned out I did not get it. Then I dreamt I drowned on the float trip. Turns out I almost drowned, but not quite. So now, since I dreamt I failed my prelim, I am actually quite relieved. Had I passed in that dream, I would be very worried right now. But I am still scurred. I should go finish working on the presentation now. Regardless of the outcome, I shall keep you informed.